A Yuletide Apocalypse

AMAAAAZING!

Here are a few entertaining posts from 5ives: Merlin’s Lists of Five Things, written by the author of the 43 Folders blog.

Blog Archive » Five rules from the NPR drinking game

October 13th, 2005
1. Nina Totenberg reads a transcript (1 drink)
2. oboe is heard (2 drinks)
3. Malcolm Gladwell reference (1 drink)
4. Scott Simon cracks himself up (1 drink)
5. Daniel Schorr mentions Watergate (3 drinks)

Five revelations from Rene Descartes’ LiveJournal

September 19th, 2005
He used to be into Emo, but now he thinks it’s “kind of gay”
He’s thinking of getting a job next summer
He totally blew the math quiz on Friday
He’s frenched three times now (and one time got a little tit)
He’s using a Bob Marley icon some dude made

Five things I’d ask every Supreme Court nominee if I sat on the Senate Judiciary Committee

September 13th, 2005
If you knew to an absolute moral certainty that you could capture and consume a live infant without being caught, how many do you suppose you could eat in a weekend?
Have you ever been spanked erotically by someone who was not your current legal spouse? Just yes or no, please.
Nominee, do you regard these slacks as accentuating my basket in an un-senatorial fashion?
Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about…your mother.
Kindly rise, and sing the 1979 hit, The Piña Colada Song, also known as Escape.

Five more slightly misleading revelations of federally-funded abstinence programs

December 29th, 2004
Liberal senators want to award slutty girls free sub for 6th abortion
Wearing green on Thursday makes you so totally gay
Douche with Dr. Pepper and your baby will have luxurious brown hair
When you masturbate on a Sunday, Jesus punches Keith Moon in the mouth
Latex condoms make your kooch smell like a pork rind: forever!

Five places that make me nervous

April 15th, 2002
Hooters
“Just stopping by this one guy’s house for a minute”
Bars where women sell shots in test tubes
Rooms containing teenagers
Anyplace people are praying